I absolutely LOVE the Christmas season!!!! It really does bring me so much joy! At the same time I tend to feel a little heavy hearted around this time of year. December 13 is the anniversary of my brothers passing. It has been a very long time since he passed away therefore most years, while I do miss him very much, I usually feel strong and ok. However, this past year, while it has definitely been wonderful for the most part, we've seen and been around a lot of tragedy, therefore probably why I've been feeling a little more heavy hearted around his anniversary.
I was at my parents house the other night and my Dad pulled out a clipping from a newspaper and asked me if I remembered it. It was a poem I wrote about my brother when I was in 5th grade. We were required to write a poem about a person and honestly I can't remember what poetry style we were supposed to use. Anyways, as you'd imagine I completely lost it as I read the poem. When so much time passes you tend to forget those feelings, especially feelings that you felt as a 9 year old (I was 9 when it happened, but 11 when I wrote the poem). I told Matt that as I read it my heart broke and I felt like I was mourning for my 11 year old self, if that makes sense. I do LOVE the poem. It was therapeutic for me to read it and relive those memories. I love the honesty of a child. The poem is raw and truly how I felt and I love how sensors on a child simply do not exist. When I wrote this poem in 5th grade my parents sent it to my Uncle Chuck and he had it published in the newspaper. That meant the world to me. Here is the poem:
a mission, teaching people what is true
I love him so and hope to see him soon.
His shell lies deep in the earth, sleeping peacefully
His body is stiff and cold and very pale.
Sometimes I wish I was dead instead of him
He was handsome you see the girls went wild for him.
No one can hold me back from seeing my big brother
I remember lots of things we did together, but now
The memories are starting to fade away.
Him or her loving care
I will love him or her as if they were related to me
I know I will see my brother again.
I see my brother staring at me. I have visions of my brother
when I am reading and in my dreams.
Angel, sent down from heaven.
He was my best friend and he always
There is lots more,
But I never could describe how terrific my brother was.
Nobody to beat up and complain and cry on.
on. Nobody to bribe or threaten. Nobody to scare or make fun of.
But he will still be my best friend and stay in my heart forever.
Charles Mainelli, who submitted the poem to the Signal American, said he did so “to show that there are still good young people.”
-Isaiah 55:8-9: “My thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways. …
“For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts.”17
-This man lost his 8 month old child and here is an excerpt of his experience (This is from the 2nd talk):