Journal – Christmas in CA and some babble from Mommy - Pics below.

Christmas 2008 and New Years 2009:

I have so much to tell you and I know the subject says Christmas in CA, however this will be a very random, all over the place, journal.

It is kind of late right now and I was actually excited to go to bed early, but as I looked at my pajama pants I kept thinking that I absolutely had to write you. For Christmas Grandma Laurie got me this pajama outfit that I love. I love pajama pants and warm pajama shirts. Anyways the pants have these cute little dogs on them that are wearing scarves. Well, you love the dogs on these pants. Whenever I wear them you hang all over me while pointing at the little doggies. Needless to say I wear these pants more than I really should, just so I get some more lovie time. Every time that you point at one of the dogs you look at me with this expectant face, like you are seeking approval, or you are saying “ok, now say something that will make me smile.” I don’t know how to really describe your face accurately, but it makes me melt each time you look at me. When you point to the doggies I always say “doggy, ruff, ruff.” You love it and think that it is just the funniest thing. You really are sheer entertainment my little lady.

I wanted to title this journal “Christmas in CA and your new accomplishments, which seem to happen with each moment.” I know, long title that is why I did not use it. It is so true though. Each morning you look older to me. Well, actually, you look older after each nap. A friend reminded me the other day that you will be turning one next month. I am seriously tearing up right now as I think about it. It is so strange to me how things are. It is funny, you are only a little baby, but at the same time you are my best buddy. We have such a strong bond with one another that I pray will only get stronger with time. The future scares me, because this admirable state that you hold me in right now, will most likely fade in the future and you will soon discover that yes Mommy does have some, well maybe a lot, of imperfections. When you look at me with those adorable big eyes I feel like your super hero, like I can do no wrong in your eyes and I can do anything. I love it though, because it truly makes me try so much harder to be that person I believe you see when you look at me. Can you believe, just as a 10 month old, a little baby, you can have such an affect on me? I can honestly say that NO ONE and I mean NO ONE could ever prepare you for this trip through motherhood. I do not mean that in a bad way at all, if anything the complete opposite. I did not know it was possible to go through so many thoughts, feelings, and emotions for such a little munchkin.

I was thinking earlier about motherhood. There are many who would disagree with me, but I believe that it is [almost] every woman’s calling to have (or adopt) children. I put almost in there because there are many women who are not mentally, or emotionally stable to have children and I strongly pray that many women just do not have them. Also, I know that it is wrong for women to have children outside the bonds of marriage. It depresses me to see a lot of feminist women who feel that they should have a child with some man, just to have the child and have no Father in the picture. You don’t have children for you, you have them for them. It is not and cannot be a selfish process. Having your Dad around constantly reminds me of the integral role that a man plays in the family. So many girls now days need that male companionship with their Fathers. Because they don’t they go searching for it elsewhere. Many of these girls have much insecurity due to the lack of this male, father relationship that they crave and need and therefore get taken advantage of by the men that can easily pick up on that. It is SO important to me that you have a strong relationship with your Dad. It helps to define you as a woman, to know who you are and to have an actual physical image to base your future relationships off of. I was and am so blessed to have my Dad in my life. I admire the many girls who stay strong without those male figures in their life

A big reason I feel that it is such an important calling is because Heavenly Father gave us these reproductive organs for a reason. They were not meant just to sit around and get dusty ☺. I am partially kidding of course. Mainly I believe that the only way to truly know oneself and really be tested is to have children. There is so much I have learned about myself by having you; good and bad. I was talking to my old boss the other day about individual’s different perceptions of Heavenly Father. Is he some mysterious being? Does he have a physical body? So many questions and there are many different answers that you will hear from people in your lifetime. The answers are however, that no he is not some mysterious man, he is your Father, your Heavenly Father and yes he does have a physical body in which we were “imaged” after. You can ask any parent what their true desire is for their children. Most of them would say that they want their children to have everything that they have ever had and SO much more. In fact I desire for you to be a better person, a stronger, even more intelligent person than I am. I am not saying that I am a loser, but I want you to have the world and to be able to do anything and everything if that makes sense. Our Heavenly Father is no different in that sense. However, he is perfect, he is intelligence; he can do anything and everything. Only a selfish parent would want you to be less than them, to not have everything they have. So, how can you become like someone, how can you really know them? Why and how does Christ know us so well? He atoned for us, he suffered and felt everything that we have felt and will feel. There is no other way for someone to know you better than to walk in your shoes. So, our real goal, here on earth, is to become like our Heavenly Father right? And of course there is nothing more than a perfect parent would want for us right? How can we do that? He created us, we are his children, and he is raising us here on earth. So, the only way to become like him, to understand him, to truly know him, is to attempt to walk in his shoes. The only way to do that is to have families of our own, to have our own children and to do everything we can to raise them unto him. “There is no other love closer to God’s love than the love a Mother has for her child [children].” I did not quote that exactly and I forgot who said it, but I have always loved that quote so much. Don’t ever think that having kids will inhibit you from doing what you want either, if anything it will enable you to do even more. Children never diminish, nor erase your hopes and dreams; they actually make them come alive. There will always be a way for you to accomplish whatever you want in life, as long as it is righteous. I know I went off on a tangent, but I felt I needed to tell you all of that.

Ok, onto your accomplishments:

1. Crawling – check
2. Feeding YOURSELF real, people food – check
3. Pointing at everything – check
4. Waving – check
5. Loving it when I make fishy faces at you – check
6. Dancing (this is the best accomplishment ever) – check
7. Moving your finger up and down on your lips to make a cool sound – check
8. Being a sponge and copying everything that we do – check
9. Getting your first, bottom, front tooth (OH SO PRECIOUS) – check
10. Giving kisses (ok, definitely another fav of mine) – check
11. Tilting your head to the side and posing every time we say “snuggle bunny” – check
12. Playing patty cake (Grandma Laurie taught you that one) – check
13. Pointing to the light every time we say “lights, where are the lights” (Grandpa Deter taught you that one) – check
14. Drinking through a straw – check
15. Feeding yourself your bottle – check
16. Feeding me and cracking up while you do it – check
17. Throwing your cheerios off of your high chair and saying “uh oh.” - check

The list goes on my little lady, but hopefully that sums it up pretty well. You are getting so old and so mature.

Christmas! It was a long, wonderful and relaxing vacation. We got to spend a lot of time with each set of Grandparents, which was very important, well needed, and well deserved.

We spent Christmas Even with the Peach side in this wonderful Italian restaurant called “Stella’s.” The food was great and the live band was beautiful. While we were waiting for our food you and I got to slow dance a little. No one else was dancing, but that did not seem to bother me. After dinner Grandma Laurie danced with you for a while. After dinner we returned to the Deter side to go to sleep and wake up to see what Santa had brought us. You would never know your Dad was an adult by the way he gets so excited to open Christmas presents. His face sparkles as he predicts what is in each box for him. It is hilarious. We had to let you open your presents a little early since you needed a nap. The entire spotlight was on you which you hated every minute of ☺. You played with the wrapping paper mainly, but you definitely loved your toys. You got books, puzzles, ornaments, adorable clothes and an awesome girly little purse.

Later that day we returned to the Peach side. This was going to be one crazy, busy day. Even Allison, Matt and Max drove out from Arizona to spend Christmas day with us. Our huge extended family came, including Uncles, Aunts, cousins, and Great Grandparents. It was quite the celebration. You got lots of adorable outfits and snuggly stuffed animals. It was so much fun that you got to meet Max for the first time. He gave you kisses and everything.

We celebrated Christmas a little early with the Peach side. We wanted to be able to have time, just the five of us. We decorated the tree, listened to music that reminded me of my brother (your Uncle), and opened presents. It was so special. I really miss my brother a lot. He passed away around Christmas as you know, so some times I get a little down that I can’t spend this holiday time with him and you. I know that he has met you, I am sure of it actually. It would be so neat to have the two of you here with me. However, I know that one day it will all be possible, I just need to be patient. It was a very special day, as was our day with the Deter side.

Another day we took you to the beach again. I really want you to like the beach. I LOVE IT AND MISS IT SOOOOOO MUCH! There is something so soothing about it. I feel rejuvenated every time we go. The ocean fascinates me. Laguna Beach is so artsy and I love to be surrounded by so much creativity. I want to go to the beach one day and make sand castles all day with you in the sun. Well, I must admit that the waves crashing definitely scared you at first. You didn’t cry, you kind of just whimpered. It was precious of course. I snuggled you tight as I ran to the edge of the water with you. You got more and more comfortable. Towards the end of our trip to the beach we laid out some towels and plopped you on them in the sand. You enjoyed this. You stared at all the crazy birds trying to steal everyone’s food. I believe you liked the waves a lot better from a distance. It is ok, we will give it time and you will eventually love it I am sure.

Another night we took you to South Coast Plaza mall. The Peach Grandparents love this mall and I imagine you will take many trips there in the future with time. They have a gigantic Christmas tree there that I wanted to show you. You liked it, but you were not overly fascinated with it. Your main fascination was the long flowing waterfall they have there. You went crazy, kicking your legs everywhere. So precious.

So, to sum it all up, we played, we snuggled, we relaxed, we ate (a lot), and we spent quality time with the people we love the most. That makes for a wonderful first Christmas for you my darling.

I love you my sweet angel. You made this Christmas so special for our family, just by your sweet presence. I look forward to many, many Christmas’s with you!!!

Picture time!: